If at all possible to penetrate my computer screen I would sex the shit out of the above video...well if this technology suddenly existed I would call into work for a week and spend said week on the filthiest porn sites imaginable (or bookmarked to my favorites)....but right after that week was up I would make the sex to it.
Hey LOOK Heat fans somebody did a thingy and decided not only dont you suck....but youre the fucking tits!
This weekend shit gets real. If you are lucky enough to make it to some of these playoff games make sure you bring the crazy.
THE PUERTO RICAN DIRK NOWITZKI!!!!! FUCK AND YES!!!!
NOBODY else (and for good reason) brings you new property of the Miami Heat Ricky Sanchez highlights....SUCK MY BALLS IRA!!! AHHHHHH!!! TERRIBLE VISUALS!!! WHY DID I JUST DO THAT TO MYSELF!!!!!
FUCK YOU INTERNET!!! MIAMI HEAT NATION IS THE AUTHORITY ON EVERYTHING RICKY SANCHEZ!
/points to testicles
//points to highlight reel
///points back to testicles
////points back to highlight reel
/////remembers IRA visual again
//////runs cock into corner of desk to take mind off
What's Beef? Dooooooooo you know what Beef is? Ax yo' sef.
Apparently, Beef is when Weeze need head nods' to go to sleep.
Last night I watched the entire first half of the Heat game on mute, so I could listen to Lil Wayne explain what exactly the Heat did to bruise his vagina SO DAMN HARD no amount of "Band-Wade's" could stop the bleeding. Dude is experiencing a MAJOR CASE of the ass griefies...all because he thinks paying a lot of $$$ for his seats guarantees him the across the bar "sup shorty...I fux wit you" head nod from Heat players that are KINDA BUSY AT THE MOMENT WITH A BASKETBALL GAME.
I blame Jay-Z. Every freakin' timeout NBA players are hugging Jay-Z like he just got off a runaway Carnival Cruise ship. After every Heat game the first thing LeBron does is get to 2nd base with Hov, then give his game played shoes to little children hes with.
Look at this picture below....
....dude needs attention from guys more than most..and isnt afraid to let everyone know about it...i mean there is nothing wrong with that...just the kinda person we are "fucking wit" here.
Obviously the Heat will take the high road here, and not give Lil Wayne the attention (or pre CD release pub he is seeking)....as they have more important things to worry about. Meanwhile Lil Wayne will be up all night asking himself "Why cant Dwyane Wade just acknowledge me?!, I'm Peezy F. Baby!"
Ahhh the Heat Dancers, making the "Big 3" in my pants happy est. 1988. Recently these wonderful ladies released a Poster that without a doubt will hang above thousands of teenagers beds, giving them total false hope that ever in a million years will they be within arms reach of vagina and boobs this grand....but hey, no 13 yr old kid is gonna hang a poster of their future wife and her kid that doesnt belong to you above their bed - SO HOORAY FANTASY POON!
Damn these types of photographers. These are the the kids you made fun of in High School when they were just roaming around a field in P.E. taking pictures of grass...now they tell hot chicks to jump up and down while i take these pictures. Prob for the best though, because just like if I was a cop...Id totally abuse the power. By the end of the shoot I would have 1200 pics of Heat dancers licking each others faces... and nothing PG enough to make a poster with.
Hey, read my recap for the Miami New Times!! Then go read Chris Joseph talk about LeBron's tits game over at the Broward Pulp!!! Then call my office and tell my Boss the building is on fire!! Then pick me up outside and take me to the Casino!!! Weeeeeeee BFF's!!!
Just thought we would touch base for a second (you can touch my base for more than a second, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!!) and take a look at some overall picture type shit....as in the standings and whatnot and so forth..and henceforth..and....words.
At the moment YOUR Miami Heat have opened up a nice little 2 1/2 game lead on the New York Knicks for the 1st seed in the East, followed by the annoying as Valentines Day on a Thursday...the day before payday....the fucking made up Holiday.....piece of shit Valentines Day...Indiana Pacers, who the Heat not only lead by 5 games....but 7 in the loss column...with the Pacers having played 4 more games than the Heat at this point. As far as the race for the division (hahahahahaha!! race for the division! its a race like im in a race with Justin Verlander to nail Kate Upton first!) the Heat lead the stupid meaningless Hawks by 7 games. If the Heat blow a 7 game division lead to the Hawks I will shave my ballsack and paste the hair to my knuckles...then pubic hair knuckle punch myself right back in the balls.
Looking ahead I can feel it. Oh its gonna happen. The stupid Celtics are gonna finish as the 8th seed, and the Heat's prize for finishing 1st in the East is going to be the Celtics in the 1st round. Im not saying Im worried about this....no no...we will murder them....its just uncalled for....like more Paranormal Activity movies. Boston is 4.5 games ahead of Philly, so its still entirely possible they miss the Playoffs and we all laugh...because that would be funny.
Heat got the Blazers tonight. I write recaps for the Miami New Times now. You can read them. You can eat them too....but they are more meant to be read...download the Miami New Times app and read them while taking a dump....they are best this way. Thank You. Go Heat.
The Heat met with the POTUS today, as asskicking flying death machines do after Championships, and it was pretty tits....checkout the video above....then have sandwich....then fly a kite.....then come back here and we will all talk about our sandwiches and kites and whatnot. Good day, Heat fan.
Hope you're having a tits Sunday, just wanted to check in and remind you the thing above happened....and Ray Allen visits Boston today (1pm) for the first time since he went all "Airport flannel shirt taking shady pictures with Asian kids and Heat staff in the Miami International Airport" on their asses.
Back to the picture above...I REALLY WANNA HATE this guys face...but I cant...I just cant. Like his face is so punchable, and hes a Bulls fan...and that outfit...but THE MOMENT! Ohhhh, that moment was the entire ballsack. SO AWESOME. I suppose finding out he has to pay $22,000 taxes on that $75,000 is a fair compromise. As for the women in the background...lets be real...that dudes penis needs to make a halfcourt shot worth $120 million for those chicks to flinch....they are there for much bigger fish....in fact I bet after he got the bill for the shoulder touch in this picture he was actually down $3,498.23 on the night.
Annnnnd now onto more pressing matters.............
THAT ISH CRAY! BEE BOP BEE BOP BEE BOOOOP!
/SPINS TABLET ON THE DESK
//PRETENDS LIKE ITS A FIRE AND WARMS HANDS ON IT
///DOES CABBAGE PATCH OUT OF ROOM
////COMPOSES SELF WALKS BACK IN ROOM
Ray Allen AKA Jesus Shuttles returns to Boston AKA the place where everyone looks like they own a plumbing business. Lets hope those low life beer throwing classless fucks at least remember he was a big part of winning them a title, and THEY drove HIM out of that town....he didnt just decide to jump ship.
