On a night the Miami Heat played second fiddle in their own city, the “matchup of the century” lived up to the hype as the good guys sprinted up and down the court, drinking up all of OKC’s milkshakes.
Despite shooting a tragic 37 percent, Miami poured in 10 threes while forcing turnovers and running out in transition like Sonic the Hedgehog fresh off a meth binge.
While the Marlins stunk up their new ballpark debut just a few miles away, LeBron James, newly dubbed MVPenis by this very blog, whispered sweet nothings into our ears, dropping 34 points, 7 boards, and 10 assists. Oh yeah, on a back to back, no less.
Out of the gates, the Thunder simply had it going on both sides of the ball, and the continued derpity derp play of Chris Bosh made this one look like another laugher from the start. But then OKC decided to get a little chippy, and they woke the goddamn sleeping bear.
After two technicals, on hard fouls by resident douchebags Kendrick Perkins and Russell Westbrook, the crowd snapped out of their 10-dollar drink comas and fed off the “fuck this shit” attitude the Heaters displayed on their way to a halftime lead.
Early in the fourth, as the crowd - and Riley’s BFF Michael Douglas - marveled at how inept the Wade-Bosh-Terrel Harris “holy shit just don’t blow this lead” lineup performed, dashing from the bench came King James on only a few minutes rest.
Like a scene from a movie, grown men wept, women tossed their undergarments high into the stands, and chants of “Westbrook sucks” resonated as the AAA exploded down the stretch in response to the Heat run.
All in all, this was still “just a regular season win,” but in terms of shutting up the dipshits who doubted Miami’s ability to win big games, as well as those who saw any glimmer of Kevin Durant and his career high 9 turnovers as a threat to LeBron’s MVP claim, a huge night indeed.
Up next, the Heat host Broussard’s personal favorite the “Mempis” Grizzlies Friday night in their only regular season matchup. Fuck yeah, lockout schedule!
And now, some Heat Dancer CLEAVAGE